Crazy Battles Page

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This is a rather interesting idea for a wiki, so I won't let it go to waste. All my fights (rather short) will be confined to this page.

Here are my "rules", so to speak:
 * All fights must have at least two combatants.
 * Priority goes to more famous characters for getting a matchup inserted.
 * Only fictional characters FOR NOW. Maybe in the future I will use real people.
 * The winner is who I want to win. This is not Death Battle, there will be no boring research, no bizarre calculations, no getting upset when the character you like loses. Instead...
 * This page is like the fighting websites of old. WWWF Grudge Match is the best example of this, and I may even use their terminology at times.
 * All-American, baby. Well, some European characters may appear as well. No stupid Japanese cartoons or comics (I refuse to use those pathetic meme-terms). Those are overrated drivel.
 * The most important rule: SCREW LOGIC. The CRAZY battles page will have fights decided in the weirdest, wackiest manner possible.

Solid Snake VS Vito Corleone
Now, there is one clear error here. The time difference. However, because I'm the author, I can say that they exist in the same time period. Because, uh...plot holes. Comics use them all the time.

Solid Snake has been dispatched by the spy guys who I can't remember the name of into New York to deal with the mob. Snake gears up, but due to the US customs system, he is forced to remove his bombs and other weapons. No problem, he thinks, how hard could this be anyways?

Snake quickly learns just how hard it is. The NYC mob robs him blind and blows through his lives. When he has one life left, he decides on the stealth option. He sneaks into the building the Five Families are meeting in, hiding in that dumb box. However, Michael Corleone has them load Snake's box into a boat full of illegal alcohol (it's the Prohibition era, right?). The boat sinks, but Snake escapes anyway, unscathed after a quicktime event. At least until he is clubbed in a dark alley. How did they find him? Well, have you played the original Metal Gear game? Snake and his whole agency YELL EVERYTHING. Not exactly the most secretive people.

When Snake comes to, he is in front of the man himself, Vito Corleone. Vito pets the cat on his lap, and tells Snake he has an offer he can't refuse: sign the contract and work for him, or-Snake interrupts him in an obscene manner before Vito can finish. Around this point, the player starts mashing buttons, but they are useless! Snake is surprised, asking how this is possible. Vito laughs, pulling out a gun and splattering Snake's brains on the wall. GAME OVER. You can't compete with the greatest movie of all time. Wait, is The Godfather the greatest movie ever, or is it Citizen Kane? I smell another matchup in the future... WINNER: Vito Corleone.

Hannah (13 Reasons Why) VS Kenny McCormick
For those of you who don't know what 13 Reasons Why is...be thankful, VERY thankful. It is one of the worst shows of all time. Only My Little Pony is worse. And Ru-Paul's Drag Race, though calling that garbage a "show" is stretching it.

The scene starts in the middle of a street in South Park. Hannah is being a whiny teenage girl who is complaining about stuff that is hilariously minor. Seriously, she's stupid. Anyway, the South Park kids come along and notice this. Cartman, naturally, laughs at this because he's Cartman. Stan and Kyle are just shocked at the utter stupidity at play. Meanwhile, Kenny tries to say something, but an eighteen wheeler drives down the road, running over Hannah and Kenny. "They killed Kenny!" So it's a draw, right? Wrong. Kenny may die in every South Park episode, but he is always back for the next one. This means he is immortal, or has a huge army of clones (think of Star Wars). Kenny is back in the next episode, good as new, while Hannah is still dead and the tapes are confiscated by the CIA and hidden in a secret government facility, next to Jimmy Hoffa's body and Clinton's emails...did I mention I HATE 13 Reasons Why? WINNER: Kenny McCormick.

Bendy VS Freddy Fazbear's Pizza
Obviously Bendy and the Ink Machine is not finished yet. This means you will have to read this based on what I know now. This means lots of plot holes and ridiculous logic. Just the way we like it here.

It is midnight at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, an old abandoned building that is secretly haunted. It was built on the ruins of Joey Drew Studios, another old abandoned building that is secretly haunted. There, that's the "horror" output for this match. What did you expect, Stephen King? Anyway, it turns out the basement of the studio was left intact. This was because the demolition team was brutally murdered by ink monsters, demonic figures, and Alice Angel. Bendy, following the horror idea that putting buildings on an old gravesite is a bad idea, seeks vengeance. The animation studio isn't an old gravesite, but it's close enough. He seeps in through the ventilation system, because he can do that. While the nightguard is listening to the phone speech about how the animatronics are evil and the company is not legally responsible if he dies, Bendy kills him.

Bendy leaves the nightguard office and runs into Bonnie and Chica. These two are the brute force of the crew. Bendy kills them too, but we don't see how it happens because the security cameras are absolutely terrible. What we can see is that, after Bendy destroys them, Foxy runs out from his "lair" (actually the supply closet) and tears into him. However, it is really a Bendy cutout. Quick explanation: Doctor Doom, if he is about to be defeated by a hero, turns out to really be a Doombot, and the real Doom is hiding close by. Bendy can imitate this with his cutouts. Foxy is not a Marvel reader, and doesn't see Bendy tearing into him.

The final showdown is in the theater area. Bendy enters, and is faced with Freddy himself. Freddy, as those who have played Five Nights at Freddy's know, is smarter than his three henchmen. He has come equipped with the most deadly weapon in the pizzeria: the T-shirt cannon. Bendy can't stand up to the force of marketing by any means necessary and melts into an ink puddle. Freddy, satisfied, puts the cannon away, sees a kid, and prepares to maul him. It turns out the "kid" is Bendy, who regenerated because he's made of liquid metal (okay, fine, ink) and shapeshifted into his old cartoon self, giving the illusion of a helpless kid. Freddy is annihilated by Bendy's demonic powers, and Bendy moves back to the studio basement. Springtrap, meanwhile, laughs maniacally at the turn of events. You may be wondering where Golden Freddy was during this. Turns out the Ghostbusters bagged him last Tuesday. He couldn't make the event. WINNER: Bendy.

Barney the Dinosaur VS My Little Pony
These are two shows which are for two-year-olds. And I am making them fight each other. Why? Because I can.

Barney is on PBS, singing that "I Love You, You Love Me" song to the little kids. Suddenly, the network executives get a call. "Hello?" "Yeah, it's Discovery Family. You're wondering about a Barney replacement?" "Yeah, he's getting old. We think his conditioning may be wearing off. We need someone else to fill in the role, someone who can numb the brains of little kids." "Well, we just so happen to have an entire SHOW that fits perfectly..."

Enter the stupid horses. The horses are in all bright colors that makes them look like they were made on drugs. They also have stupid tattoos on their rear ends. And they are all girls. The little girls instantly flock to them, but the boys know about cooties and stay away. Suddenly, the horses display their hypnotic eyes. Yes, they have hypnotism. There is absolutely no way the show would be popular without subliminal messages. This is the real reason why all those grown men like the show: subliminal messaging. The little boys become brain-dead zombies, walking towards the horses.

What's Barney doing? He's watching this, horrified. He has made great friends with those kids, he really does love them...and then something snaps. You see, remember when the PBS executive said "conditioning"? Barney's origin was at Jurassic Park, as the first dinosaur ever resurrected. His abnormal purple color was due to a bug in the DNA, due to his age. That wasn't the only bug, though. Barney was vicious. He had bizarre magical powers that could not be explained by science, and he had an extreme bloodlust, enough to make the then-in production Indominus Rex look like a housecat in comparison. He was sent to Area 51 where the government tamed him through means unknown. This is how he became the happy, kid friendly, "super-dee-duper" dinosaur that the Internet knows and hates. He was sent to PBS and given a TV show, happy and peaceful...until now.

Barney's ancient primal instincts have resurfaced, along with...the RAGE. He is angry that the horses took the kids from him. He is angry at his fading star power. He is angry that the Internet hates him and worships My Little Pony even though the only difference is that My Little Pony is girlier. Barney tears into the easy prey that is the animated horses. The kids are free from their hypnotism.

We end with the executives from Discovery Family discussing their failure and how nobody will watch their channel. The doors bust open and they see...Barney. Drenched in the blood of animated horses, armed with a chainsaw. They attempt to reason with him, to no avail. The old Barney is dead...and the new one seeks revenge. WINNER: Barney the Dinosaur.

Flash VS Homestar Runner
Homestar Runner is the main character of the awesome series on the awesome website of the same name. If you don't know who Flash is, get out from under your rock.

We start in the middle of Free Country USA. There is a bank robbery going on. Suddenly, the Flash runs in, punches the criminal, ties his shoe, eats a sandwich, pays his taxes, gets a rope, and ties up the criminal in the blink of an eye. He then realizes there is a race going on, and decides to join. Why? If I knew that, this fight would have been up yesterday like it was supposed to be.

Flash lines up with the competitors: Homestar Runner and several other nameless stand-ins. Before the race starts, Strong Bad conspires with the Cheat to mess up Homestar's chances of winning the race. Strong Bad wants to win so he can get the cool, cool trophy. They are delayed by Strong Bad going through his huge email backlog (having a five-year hiatus will do that to you). In the end, Strong Bad just decides to let Strong Sad deal with it, and runs off.

The race starts. Flash and Homestar run off, and they are far ahead of the others. But who is in first? Let's analyze this quickly. Flash can run really fast, because he got struck by lightning and gained the "speedforce". This lets him run super fast and have a cheap cop-out to win fights on ComicVine. However, it's not a cheap cop-out here because this is not ComicVine. Also, there is reason to believe Homestar is faster. Why? Homestar Runner is made with Adobe FLASH Player. This means a few things. First, he and his friends can't be found with a mobile device. Second, he is powered by Flash, who is powered by the speedforce. This means he has double speedforce. Also, he drank way too much melonade and is running to the bathroom, which is conveniently right behind the finish line.

By now, Strong Bad has made it. The plan is simple: they set up a banana peel to trip up Homestar and take the win for themselves. However, they neglect to check to exact lane they put it in. Homestar runs past the banana peel, through the finish line, and into the bathroom. Flash runs, hits the banana peel, and slides into space, hitting the JLA watchtower and breaking the window. Homestar gets the trophy. Strong Bad is foiled again, and the Cheat got launched into space with Flash. WINNER: Homestar Runner.

Freddy Krueger VS Little Nemo
Let me make one thing VERY, VERY CLEAR: this is the classic comic strip Little Nemo, by Winsor McCay. There was a terrible movie called "Little Nemo" in the 80s. If I used that Little Nemo, the fight would be five seconds long and consist of Freddy ripping out Little Nemo's organs. Now to the actual fight.

Little Nemo drifts off to sleep, as per usual. When he makes it to Slumberland, something seems off. Namely the fact that it is in flames. Nemo tries to ask what happened, but the residents all say the same thing: "One, two, Freddy's coming for you..." Nemo, slightly worried by this, continues to the heart of the wreckage. He sees a man in a hat and a striped shirt. This is Freddy Krueger. Freddy sees another kid, and uses his fear tactics. Little does he know that Nemo has seen stuff in Slumberland that is out of a Dali painting. Which is kind of weird, considering his strip predates Dali's paintings. Freddy retreats to gather a plan. Nemo wakes up before anything else can happen. We're not done yet though. Little Nemo in Slumberland was a serial strip: this means the story would continue from Sunday to Sunday.

In the next strip, Nemo meets with Morpheus, the king of Slumberland. He has heard about Freddy, and offers Nemo a choice: blue pill or red pill. Before you say I'm thinking of The Matrix, they have the same name. This makes them eligible as the same person. My page, my logic. Nemo takes the red pill, and comes to a stunning realization: his world is a computer simulation, and Slumberland is the real world. He can travel between these worlds when he sleeps, and is therefore incredibly valuable to the resistance forces. Nemo ponders this for a moment, before waking up. However, the next strip will deviate from the standard format a little.

In the final strip of this chapter, Nemo can't sleep. He goes to get a drink of water and encounters...Freddy. Freddy has entered Nemo's world fully. Freddy thinks he can easily kill Nemo now, as a sitting duck. What he doesn't realize is that Nemo, being in his dream, has control over it. Nemo runs away, flying in on his bed and knocking Freddy for a loop. Freddy attempts to wrestle with Nemo...and then Nemo wakes up. Freddy, in the real, real world, is powerless. Nemo knocks him out with the baseball bat near his bed. Nemo is, of course, a Yankees fan. If you think this was confusing, watch an M. Night Shyamalan movie. His twists are even weirder than mine. WINNER: Little Nemo.

Goku VS Tinkerbell
Due to the fact that my computer had to restart, my original fight for today got deleted. I'll remake it tomorrow. Now, I know that including Goku is techinically against my rules. But, I am the rule maker, and I am the rule breaker, and I am the eggman, and I am the walrus, koo-koo-kachoo. Besides, some idiots were trying to convince me that the show they obsess over is not overrated drivel. They failed hilariously, and now I am making this.

Goku is walking around in the forest. Suddenly, an acorn hits him on the head. This causes him to fly into a rage, because I said so. He starts burning down the forest with huge lasers. As it turns out, this forest is Pixie Hollow, and the fairies are running from this. Tinkerbell tries to investigate what's going on. She finds Goku easily (anyone who is that poorly animated sticks out like a sore thumb) and tries to get him to calm down. He does not, and continues firing lasers. Tinkerbell takes advantage of her three-dimensionality (you can interpret that as about animation or personality) and dodges the lasers.

Tinkerbell flies back to her place, and formulates a plan. She will use a specially-engineered pixie dust, which can shrink people down to fairy size, and even smaller. She gathers up a bucketload of the stuff and flies off. Goku, who is still blowing up the forest, doesn't notice. Tink yells at him, and then he notices. While he shoots at her, Tink sprinkles the pixie dust down on Goku's head. He doesn't notice that, not only is he getting smaller, he is getting weaker. As he continues, Tinkerbell can just fly down to his level and distribute it more directly. Soon enough, she is at Goku's knees, then waist, then chest, then the exact same height. Goku is taken off guard, and tries hitting her. He breaks his hand trying. He tries shooting her with a laser blast. She barely budges. Goku tries his last gambit of powering up by screaming really loudly. Tinkerbell just sighs, and sprinkles more dust on him.

By the time he is finished powering up, Goku is confident he can deal with his opponent. He tries to fly off, only to be seized by a giant hand. With all the time Tinkerbell had, she shrunk him down even further-the sizes are effectively reversed. Tinkerbell smiles. "You actually look kind of cute like this. I'm sorry I have to do this, but you hurt my friends." She breathes lightly, and Goku is blown to the ground. His strength gone, he is powerless. He can't fly or shoot lasers anymore. One more slight breath is all it takes. The overrated Japanese cartoon is finally dead. WINNER: Tinkerbell.

Angry Video Game Nerd VS Sonic.EXE
First, I apologize for my extreme hiatus. Second, I apologize for releasing this AFTER the Earthbound episode happened. I originally created this because I thought the Nerd's series ended. Well, I'll put it up anyway.

The Nerd is looking for another game to make fun of, but he can't find any. He can't have used up ALL the bad games already, could he? Suddenly the doorbell rings. The Nerd finds a box with a note on it. The note says "Destroy immediately, do not think, do not play game. Trust me on this, you WILL regret it." The Nerd thinks. A game that was sent explicitly to be destroyed? This thing must be the worst game ever created. He must see how bad it is.

Disappointingly, it turns out to be a cartridge of Sonic the Hedgehog for the Sega Genesis. The Nerd is irritated but figures he needs to blow off steam anyway. He pops the game into the Nintoaster and begins to play. Suddenly the screen glitches up. Things only get weirder. Sonic can't be played as, instead the options are Tails, Knuckles and Eggman. He chooses Tails first. Things seem normal from then on, until he encounters Sonic. The background goes up in flames and Sonic rips Tails to shreds. Knuckles and Eggman are similarly mangled and killed, after which the game glitches beyond repair.

The Nerd sits in shock, and then goes into his usual curse-filled rant about how much the game sucked. What he doesn't notice is the odd Sonic stuffed animal right behind him, with blood-red eyes. Sonic.EXE attacks the Nerd, who flees. Sonic.EXE thinks that this mortal will be an easy and delicious kill. Oh, how wrong he is.

The Nerd busts out of a conveniently placed door with all the miscellaneous game accessories. Sonic.EXE gets a Power Glove in the face, and is shot several times over. The stuffed animal falls to the floor bleeding stuffing...and then the demon comes out. After an epic battle that was lost because my computer is terrible at keeping backups, the Nerd stands in a large puddle of hyper-realistic blood, and flops on the couch, exhausted. In a post-credits scene, Sonic.EXE is seen reforming. He sees something called "DDLC". It looks pathetic and weak, ripe for the pickings. To be continued? WINNER: Angry Video Game Nerd.

The A-Team VS Team RWBY
On one side, we have a classic TV show of the 1980s, that is known and loved by all...all who are sane, anyhow. On the OTHER side, we have this web cartoon that a friend of mine is obsessed with. Homestar Runner is better anyway.

The A-Team is in their van, running from the police, the army, the mafia, the CIA, the FBI, the Men in Black, the Illuminati, and about forty-two other organizations that are way too secret for me to reveal. As per usual, they are running from the crime they didn't commit. The government has agents put wanted posters all over town to bring in the A-Team. Team RWBY sees this and decides to bring in the reward.

The A-Team is bickering as usual when the van breaks down. B.A. starts calling Murdock a crazy fool who can't drive when they are interrupted. Team RWBY has stopped the van and wants to bring them in. Face, seeing four teenage girls, does what he does best: hit on them. "W" (no, her name is not W. I can't spell it so I'm abbreviating it) is disgusted and attempts to use her magic powers. She misses, due to the A-Team logic of "nobody can actually hit each other but it hurts anyway". The last part only applies to the A-Team, though, so it just looks comical. And then she knocks herself out, so I don't have to keep typing "W" instead of her name. Meanwhile, Murdock is talking to his imaginary dog about what's going on. Blake thinks that there is an actual dog somewhere and jumps fifty feet straight up, hits her head on a tree branch, and is knocked out. Now it's four against two, and time for a convenient commercial break.

After the convenient commercial break, we are back to the fight. Hannibal has created the plans for that big armed school bus thing the A-Team drives around at times, which I hereby dub the Awesome Bus (TM). The Awesome Bus barrels towards Ruby and Yang, who dodge. Ruby hits a tree and is knocked out. Yang flies into a rage at this and attacks the nearest A-Team member, B.A....only to hurt her hand on the ridiculous amount of gold chains he is wearing. "I pity the fool who mess with the A-Team!" Yang is thrown helluva far, in 1990s Mr. T webcomic style. Of course, she is knocked out as well. Nobody dies on TV shows that old. The van is repaired and they drive off into the sunset. Of course, the sunset is just a prop and there is a big van-shaped hole in the background now. Dang it. Well, I'll have it repaired for the next match anyway. Also, this was my first "team vs team" battle (Bendy vs Freddy Fazbear's and Barney vs MLP were character against team, and don't count). That's gotta count for something. WINNER: The A-Team.

Austin Powers VS James Bond
Fight number 10, baby! I gotta do something good here. Let's see, how about a spy fight? Looks good to me.

This one starts in London. At the same time, two agents are accepting their mission from their superiors. Coincidentally, it is the exact same mission: go to North Korea and destroy all of their weapons of mass destruction (TM, George W. Bush). One of them is James Bond, the other is Austin Powers. They get their weapons and get going, for gosh sakes! They have to stop the communists! James Bond gets his spy car and drives there. He encounters traffic upon entering Germany. The Katzenjammer kids caused a huge traffic jam with a big load of explosives. Bond hijacks an eighteen wheeler and advances. Meanwhile, Austin Powers is on...a cruise ship?! He managed to decorate the whole thing with the British Union Jack, and is partying with everyone as they go around Africa. At least until the cruise is hijacked by Al-Qaeda, causing a huge fight. Austin fights off the terrorists, but he doesn't realize the cruise is now going west instead of east.

Skip ahead a few hours. Bond is now in Russia, which is huge. He is trying to navigate through it without freezing his butt off. Of course, as Russia is communist, there are several double agents for the North Koreans. The Russians use freeze rays to stop 007's eighteen wheeler. But, because this is Bond we're talking about, he has a billion spy gadgets in his wristwatch alone. He blows up the communists by pressing a few buttons on his sleeve. Meanwhile, Austin Powers somehow ended up in Mexico. He tried to get to the US, but there's one problem: the wall. Austin tries to think of something, but then he sees a girl. Both spies are incredibly susceptible to...ahem, "instincts", and Austin tries to hit on her. He ends up in Taco Bell and wastes half an hour in the bathroom. Afterwards, he leans against the wall to catch his breath, and realizes it's just cardboard. The wall hasn't been built yet, so there's a decoy to fool the Mexicans. Austin runs to the airport and gets a plane to party on.

Due to extreme coincidence or suspense factor, both arrive at the same time. They invade the North Korean base, but are captured! When they come to, they are tied up and dangling above a pool of laser sharks. 007 just looks bored at this, because he's seen these ridiculous traps before. Austin, however, knows exactly who trapped them...Doctor Evil! Doctor Evil comes into the room gesturing his pinky, and laughs maniacally. He reveals that Kim Jong-Un was nothing more than a really cheap disguise of his, and now he will hold them, and the world, hostage for a small fee of...ONE MILLION DOLLARS! While he describes his diabolical plan, both spies use their cunning to escape the traps Doctor Evil has set up for them, and kick his butt. James Bond apprehends Doctor Evil and brings him in. However, Scott Evil, in disgust, presses the big red "LAUNCH NUKES" button himself, and aims towards America and Britain! Austin Powers fights him off, and sends the nukes somewhere they won't blow up anyone...back in time. They are transported to the year 1945, and hit Japan, causing it to sink into the sea. Truman shrugs and says, "Hey, we won. Doesn't matter how." Back in 2018, Austin gets the money and the glory for destroying North Korea's WMDs. Don't worry about Bond, though: he still gets the token "girl who only exists as a romantic interest" that appears in every James Bond movie ever. WINNER: Austin Powers.

The Enterprise VS The Gems
First, I apologize for forgetting about this. I have no clue if anyone has read this, but if you stuck with me through the wait, you deserve a no-prize. Anyway, on one side is the USS Enterprise, of Star Trek fame and Grudge Match mockery. On the other side, we have one of the lamest Cartoon Network shows since...uh...actually, this is their first bad show.

The Enterprise, in its quest to "boldly go where no man has gone before", encounters a mysterious vortex in the outer regions. Spock advises caution, as this situation seems (A) highly illogical and (B) most likely violates the Prime Directive. Kirk (yes, KIRK. Picard is too cowardly for this matchup) decides that they will go in, because (A) no man has gone there before and (B) he hopes there are alien chicks. Before Spock can respond, Kirk warps into the vortex. There is a funny sound effect, and Rod Serling narrates the Twilight Zone intro (the original kickass one). Wait, Rod Serling!? Get out of here, man! This isn't a Twilight Zone fight!

Anyway, after that interruption, the Enterprise reaches the "Homeworld". Really, Cartoon Network? "Homeworld" for the aliens' HOME WORLD? Who writes this, Captain Obvious? Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and about 4 or 5 redshirts beam down to the planet surface, phasers at the ready. They enter the nearest establishment, wild west style, with dramatic music and everything. As it turns out, this planet is populated by bizarre female creatures known as "Gems". They are known for being crybabies and in some cases, "superheroes". "Superheroes" is in quotes because, despite them allegedly being this, there is never ANY action on the show. Sadly, the main characters aren't there...hang on, I'm the writer. The main Steven Universe characters are now on the Homeworld. Writer powers rock.

Kirk sees this mob of female aliens and is...well, I'm not gonna spell it out for you. He hits on the nearest one. Meanwhile, Spock gives the aliens the Vulcan salute and asks if they wish to join the Federation. The giant statue rulers of the planet attempt to crush him. They miss, but kill a few redshirts trying. "What are these things, McCoy?" "Jim, I'm a DOCTOR, not a-" "Logically, from their mood swings, aggressive behavior, and denial of common sense, these appear to be 21st-century liberals." "Alright, Spock, how do we get out of here?" Spock explains the plan, which is not heard onscreen for suspense purposes.

The crew sets their phasers to "stun". The Gem bodyguards immediately go on a rant about gun control and taking guns away from everyone. They are stunned, fall to the ground, and break into pieces. Scotty beams them up, and the Enterprise starts emitting a signal. The Gems start to slow down, stiffen, and eventually freeze entirely. You see, the signal emitted was made of rare "commonsensium" particles. This reveals obvious truths to everyone (examples: two plus two is four, there are two genders, Apple is evil, etc.). They are now harmless statues, and will stay as such until the end of time. "But wait!" I hear you say. "Star Trek MUST lose, according to Grudge Match, right?" WRONG! Kirk and company can find a way out of unwinnable situations easily, it's only against Star Wars that they crumble. Rod Serling announces, again, that such things can only happen in the Twilight Zone as the Enterprise goes back through the vortex. Oh, THAT'S why he was here. Steven Universe is so nonsensical that it can only take place in...the Twilight Zone. WINNER: The Enterprise.

Inspector Gadget VS Thanos
So we return to the long-abandoned and rarely-updated Crazy Battles Page at last. On one side, we have Inspector Gadget, a classic 80s cartoon character on par with He-Man, who I may throw in here if I ever bother. On the other side, we have...we have...the villain of what is possibly...one of the...oh, screw it. Avengers 3 sucked. It WAS good, sure, until that godawful ending killed the movie. It would have killed the franchise if Ant-Man 2 hadn't been awesome.

Gadget has just received a message from Chief Quimby: the sacred jewels of Stanistan (stereotypical Middle Eastern country) have been stolen, and MAD is suspected. His mission (should he choose to accept it) is to retrieve the jewels and return them to the monarchy, this message will self destruct. Gadget, as we know, is always on duty, and accidentally blows up Quimby with the note while going to the Gadgetmobile. Penny secretly tags along, thinking her uncle might need help. Dr. Claw is spying on Gadget and sends MAD agent Alfred E. Neuman to eliminate him. In other words, business as usual...for now.

Upon making it to Stanistan (and causing much havoc), Gadget goes to the crime scene. Thanos, meanwhile, has teleported into Stanistan through use of the "cop-out" stone, which can kill any movie you are in. The cop-out stone only works once. MAD agents attempt to sabotage Gadget, who spots change on the ground and the MAD agents dive over him and fall down the stairs. Gadget then chases after Brain who was keeping an eye on him for Penny. While chasing the "MAD agent" using the Gadget Rocket Skates (go big or go home, right?) he crashes into a large purple man and knocks them both over, causing them to fall into the MAD agents carrying fake jewels to fake out the Stanistanian monarch. Everyone and everything ends up in a huge mess. Brain gets what he thinks are the real jewels, but we'll get back to him later. Thanos, in a rage (as always), tries to use the power of Marvel stupidity the Infinity Gauntlet to kill them, only to realize the stones are gone. Gadget, meanwhile, dusts himself off and wonders where the MAD agent went, and runs into Alfred, who as it turns out has the real jewels. Alfred tries to con Gadget into taking a furshlugginer potrzebie, which is secretly a bomb. Gadget takes it because he thinks it's a souvenir. And this is where we cut to commercial with Dr. Claw laughing evilly.

After commercial we see Brain taking the "jewels" (they are obviously not the real ones) to Penny so they can try to make it look like Gadget got them. Penny notices something, though: these look exactly like the jewels, but her computer book senses that something is off about them. She believes that these are MAD plants, so she uses the laser in her watch to destroy them. What she doesn't know is that she just destroyed the Infinity Stones. Meanwhile, Gadget is walking around looking for the jewels, while Thanos is looking for his stones. The MAD agents make a switch with Alfred so he can get the fakes inside, with the terrorists so they can invade the US. Yes, MAD is working with terrorists. Are you really surprised? As fate would have it, though, they run into Thanos, who beats them up by hand and takes the "stones" (really the jewels) and puts them in the Gauntlet. Gadget walks by here, and realizes that this big purple guy has what looks like the jewels IN HIS HAND. Gadget yells at the MAD agent to stop-"I've got you surrounded!" Thanos chuckles and tries to turn Gadget to dust, but (shocker) he can't. Gadget cuffs Thanos, who punches him in the face. Penny and Brain saw this, and Penny realizes something-the purple guy is entirely computer-generated imagery! She quickly uses her computer book and hacks into Marvel's computers, shutting them down. Thanos, without any power, is revealed to be the most evil thing in existence...a Nazi communist terrorist! He tries to destroy Gadget, but just takes his "souvenir" and gets blown up, leaving Gadget with the jewels. The police and Quimby arrive (Penny called them offscreen) and congratulate Gadget on a job well done, while Dr. Claw flies off in his jet yelling that he'll get Gadget next time. If the Avengers weren't borderline retarded, they would have been able to STOP the bad guy from killing the universe. Compared to them, Gadget is Sherlock Holmes. WINNER: Inspector Gadget.